Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
