Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
