guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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