We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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