Don't make out with my wife yet
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
