I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
