He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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