My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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