ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my being single is dangerous.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
