Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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