I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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