who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
