I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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