Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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