i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
