please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
