I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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