If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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