He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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