new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
