Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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