physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
