I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
