there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
