Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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