oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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