Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
