I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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