Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
