what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
