guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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