there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
