SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
