i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
