the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
