Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
