just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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