I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
nutella sex= disaster
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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