trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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