Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
