This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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