So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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