My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
