I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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