Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
