whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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