I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
