And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
