I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Are we still banned from the library?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
