I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
