Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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