Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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