Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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