I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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