Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
