So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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