Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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