weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
