I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I touched a dick in church today
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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