I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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