Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
