i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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