thus making me awesome and them whores
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
