the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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