have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
