If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
