a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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