dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
