She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
