I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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