the condom got lost in my hair
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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