Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
