Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
