Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Small penises have feelings too.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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