ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
