I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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