i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
