A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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