So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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