I met the friendliest cop last night
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
