The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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