I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dear god my vagina.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
