I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
