I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
