How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
