I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
